Man up - why men's mental health is changing for the better

NLP for Health - A prescription for change

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Tue, 02 Aug 2022 15:26:51 GMT

Our mission is to give all GP practices in the UK access to NLP professionals

What they're saying

“I refer patients frequently to Yvonne for a multitude of reasons. I have found her to be hugely popular with my patients and without exception beneficial to their mental health.”

Dr Rachel Sharp, GP Charing Practice

“I saw my Doctor at Charing Surgery with symptoms of depression but clearly stated that I would not take any medication. I was fortunate that my Doctor was fully aware of the benefits of NLP and was able to recommend an excellent local practitioner to help me. Yvonne helped me make the life changes I needed without medication. Without the GP referral I would not have been aware of NLP as an option or have found Yvonne.”

Patient, Ashley Amos

“I have referred a number of primary care patients who are complex and 'stuck' to Yvonne over the years. Suffice to say that her outcomes have often been very positive, highly impactful and transformative for patients, allowing them to adopt more advantageous behavioural and thought patterns going forward.”

Richard Knottenbelt, Senior Partner, Charing Medical Practice

“Feedback from patients who have attended Yvonne’s mindfulness and relaxation courses at the surgery, as well as consulting her privately for NLP coaching, has always been so positive, with patients remarking on how she has supported them to understand how the management of their health and wellbeing can be approached in a completely different way”

Kay Acott, Practice Manager, Charing Practice

“Yvonne opened my mind to a way of thinking I never imagined possible. My anxiety has disappeared and I now live very much for the moment. The techniques she taught me were inspirational and life changing. We also work together in the Patients Participation Group (PPG) where she is a trusted partner and colleague.”

SImon Lake, Chair of Charing Medical Practice PPG (Patient Participation Group)

Retired GP David Maddams and Author of 'The Doctor Can't See You Now' says:-

“With a mental health crisis across the UK and world and UK Primary Care overwhelmed, there has never been a more appropriate time for NLP professionals to step forward” and offer their skills to UK general practices and help rebuild services fit for the future.”

Contact Tasha to explore how NLP will help your GPs, staff and patients:-

tasha@letsmaketime.co.uk

07799 038 561

www.letsmaketime.co.uk

How to help your teenager

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 13:24:20 GMT

Practical wellbeing tools to help your teenager navigate anxiety, low-mood and disconnection

Let’s face it, most of our teens have had a bit of a rough ride over the past couple of years, so it's no wonder that they're experiencing sadness, anxiety and depression more than ever before.

When lockdown arrived, our teen’s usual lifeblood of being physically surrounded with friends was ripped from underneath their Doc Marten’d feet overnight. Their usual routine of getting out of the house to go to school, engaging in clubs and other recreations…simply gone, without the knowledge of when they were going to return.

As they’ve spent part of their formative years in isolation, living with uncertainty, and the threat of COVID cruelly taking their loved-ones, it’s not a surprise that the rise in requests for teenage mental health services has sky-rocketed. Recent analysis by the BBC highlighted that there has been a 77% rise in the number of children needing specialist treatment for severe mental health crisis. Some 409,347 under-18s were referred to the NHS in England for specialist care for issues such as suicidal thoughts and self harm between April and October 2021. However, the number of empty professional posts at services such as EWMHS and CAMHS are also on the rise, leaving a chasm of children who are slipping through the system. Waitlists are off the hook, the quality of care is inconsistent and teens are hurting.

When lockdown was announced, all of a sudden teens were under the spotlight from their parents and carers who were spending more time working from home, questioning how long they were spending in their rooms, all whilst they were being bombarded with different ways of learning via digital lessons and changes to GCSE / A level exams.

Some may have experienced extra domestic demands and caring duties such as “Can you help with the washing up?”, “Can you cook tea for your brother?” "Can you hang the washing out?"

All of these extra demands have built up to the ultimate eye-roll for them, and us!

Apart from chatting to their friendship groups online, all forms of coping disappeared.

So, if you’re looking for ways to help your teen, create a healthy relationship (and teach them how to have healthy relationships), here’s some ways you can help. These tools are used everyday in our household of five kids (blended family), ageing 17 - 10 years.

ENGAGE, REACH OUT OFTEN AND CREATE SPACE TO CHAT

Ever noticed that when you try and have a conversation with your teen, maybe when they get in from school or you’ve finished your working day, they rarely want to talk? It’s as if they have their ‘don’t talk to me’ beacon on. When our 13 year old walks through the door and I ask “How was your day? What went well? What didn’t go well?”, I’m met with “Yeah, good”.....cue silence.

Then, when it’s bedtime, they tend to talk for hours. Ever noticed that? Utilise this time and make the most of it. You’ll have the best conversations when they are relaxed and ready for chatting. They’ll feel listened to and important. Consciously preserve some of your energy for the time of day when they get chatty, and expect the conversation to go well.

Even when your teen appears to be disconnected, reach out often. Find ways to engage and ask questions such as:-

“What do you need?”
“What do you need from me?”
“What can we do together?”

This will help them vocalise their emotions and create clarity with their needs. During the teen years, some may find it less than easy to describe what’s on their mind. After our 17 year old daughter had come out of teen hibernation, she said “I didn’t know how I was feeling, so I had nothing to say”. It can be really tricky for our children to articulate something they don’t understand what’s going on in their minds, their changes in body and moods.

The fundamental take-away from this is to remember that we can only steer our children in a helpful direction, not control them. However, we can always choose how to react to bad moods, rudeness and disconnection. And when we master that, everything becomes manageable. It’s all about protecting our own energy (and sanity).

TEACH THEM ABOUT ANXIETY AND HOW TO CREATE HELPFUL COPING MECHANISMS

The ultimate teacher is you. When you’re able to explain what anxiety is, why it’s a normal human response and how to create helpful coping mechanisms, your teens will learn how to deal with situations. Be the role model who stays calm and finds ways to work through the tough times. Be confident in talking about your vulnerabilities, and share what works for you.

ENCOURAGE THEIR DREAMS

Work out ways to transform their dreams into reality. Show them how to take themselves out of their comfort zones by doing things for the first time, and go back when things don't go brilliantly. Try new things often. Increase their confidence by highlighting their passions and asking them “how can we make this happen?” When our daughter was researching University courses, I suggested that she look into the careers of people she looked up to and researched how they got to be where they are. It’s a process of looking at the journey someone goes through to achieve their career goals….and then mirroring it.

Become aware of other family members consciously and subconsciously dashing your teens hopes. Well-meaning people sometimes share their concerns and fears, saying things like “you’ll never make it”, “it’s completely unrealistic” etc. These kinds of statements tend to come from people who are afraid of failure…and who have stayed in their comfort-zones for fear of trying. You can remind your teen that it’s their life, their choices and their dreams. No-one elses. You can teach them to be resilient to these comments and gently deal with negative comments as and when they arise.

GET ACTIVE & ENCOURAGE ACTIVITY

Whenever you can, get them out of the house. Yes, they might whinge and tell you they can’t be bothered, but getting outside will give them some much-needed change of scenery. We took our 14 year old daughter for a local walk, much to her original disgust. We knew that within 10 minutes of being outside, she would begin to feel lighter. She started making bird noises and relaxed. This wouldn’t have happened if we’d stayed in.

GIVE THEM SPACE TO CREATE THEIR IDENTITY

Give them the space to find out who they are, without judgment. They are finding out who they are and will need you to support them, regardless of your opinions. If you don’t agree with how they’re presenting themselves, their identity, or choice of sexuality, you can distance yourself even more from them. Help your teen by being curious about their world and their life. Validate their values and love them for who they are becoming. How you choose to respond to this will help your teen develop self-esteem and self-worth that will allow them to fully belong, wherever they are and whomever they’re with.

HAVE REGULAR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT TECH

Whether or not you agree, tech plays an important part in your teen’s life. Whilst you may think they are addicted to their phone / Xbox / iPAD, the best thing you can do is put aside your fears and be curious about their world. Have regular open conversations about their time spent online.

Some conversation starters include:-

You: I’ve noticed you’re spending quite a bit of time on your (enter tech) recently and wondered if we could chat about it? I’m interested to learn more about how you use it.

You: What do you know about tech safety? What kind of problems do you know about and where would you report them?

You: Let’s make a plan for regular time spent offline. What other things could you do? What can we do together? Would you like me to take you somewhere to meet up with someone?

Agree family tech boundaries - suggestions include:-

No tech at the table, during family visits, during meals out, during conversations.

No tech before other stuff needs to be done (homework, household chores etc)

The time for tech to be turned off at night

The time for tech to be used in the morning

Weekend usage

Compromise is key - be open to hearing their suggestions and reasons. When you really listen to your teens, it makes a MASSIVE difference. Conflict disappears and harmony is restored. Okay, okay, maybe grunting is the realistic expectation here.

SET BOUNDARIES

Being a teenager doesn’t give them a licence to act rudely, without respect and compassion. Helping your teen involves setting realistic boundaries regarding their behaviour, how they talk to you, how much they help around the house and how they approach their school work.

Consistency is key. Be prepared to stay firm, committed and connected to your agreed boundaries. Agree consequences when boundaries are tested (and follow-up with them). As your young person matures, you will give them the space to make mistakes and fail. This is vital for growth. Avoid trying to fix your teens problems - how will they learn if someone is always working it out for them?

I tend to use the following phrase when one of our youngsters talks back to us:-

“How you’re speaking to me is not ok”

And we’ll sit down and talk about it. Practice using “I” in the conversation, rather than “you”.

“When you talk back to me, I feel sad and hurt”

NOT

“When you talk back to me, you make me really angry!”

Can you feel the difference?

Taking into account all the ways you can help your teenager, remind yourself to take care of yourself. Your teenager's life journey is in their palms. They need to fail, to grow through their pain and work out who they really are.

It's our job to support, listen, hold them and love them for who they are.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are” - E.E. Cummings

My work with children and teens is highly rewarding. Digital and face-to-face sessions available for those based near Rochford, Essex.

Hourly sessions = £75 (just teen)

Hourly sessions = £99 (teen and parent)

Course of 4 x 1 hour sessions = £300

Explore more here - https://www.letsmaketime.co.uk/family-nlp

Resources and helplines

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/find-help/i-need-urgent-help/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/useful-contacts/

Creating brave leaders and teams from the inside out

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 11:16:29 GMT

What is compassionate leadership and how will it impact my team's spirit and workplace wellbeing?

Being a compassionate leader takes time, commitment, curiosity and leaning-in to uncomfortable moments. Learning how to explore engaging meaningful conversations is a skill.

If you're considering investing in leadership training, we firmly suggest the need to consider staff training the rest of your team at the same time.

Why?

Think about it....if the lead character of a play has the script, but none of the cast do, the production will fall flat on its face.

If the top scorer hogs the ball and doesn't share it, s/he's going to get pretty tired and burned out. The rest of the team won't bother trying next time.

If the F1 car driver loses communication halfway around the lap and can't share with this team that his tyres are out of tread, he will lose. The pitstop team is deemed a failure.

If the Mcdonald's team member flipping the McPlant burger intends to do the fries, the milkshake, the McFlurry and clean, all at the same time.....it will not be a Happy Meal!

Research from mental health charity, Mind, reveals that work pressure is the number one cause of stress in our lives. Add lockdowns, remote working, rising unemployment and continued uncertainty to the mix and it is not surprising that we are on the brink of a mental health crisis. The HSE Summary Statistics show a sharp increase in cases of work-related stress , depression or anxiety as compared to pre-pandemic levels. Although remote working has provided more flexibility, it has also exacerbated loneliness and isolation and placed individuals who are vulnerable to stress and overwork at particular risk. Many have also been faced with additional caring and childcare responsibilities, leading to irregular working patterns and an inability to “disconnect” from work.

The HSE report showed that women had higher rates of work-related stress, depression or anxiety than men, with women between the age of 25 and 34 being most likely to report this as a reason for absence. The most common reasons for stress at work have been cited by the CIPD Health and Wellbeing At Work 2021 report as: workload and volume of work (59%); management style (32%); and new work-related demands due to homeworking as a result of COVID-19 (31%). For some people the effects of stress, anxiety and depression may be long-lasting.

Although employee wellbeing continues to rise up the corporate agenda, a recent survey commissioned by Lime Insurance suggested that 51% of respondents felt under pressure to hide their mental health struggles from colleagues and to “put on a brave face”. Furthermore, a poll carried out by Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) England revealed that 29% of employees have never spoken to their line manager about their mental health, with other reports suggesting that individuals are afraid to admit they are struggling in case they get treated differently. The CIPD report also indicated that those interviewed did not trust in the skill and confidence of managers to assist them.

People matter, so show them.

If you want more compassion within your team, we suggest the following:-

commit regular time to having brave conversations
ask what compassion means to everyone
stop ignoring stuff, hoping it will pass
when someone reaches out to you, listen fully and avoid making the conversation about your similar experiences
ask what that person needs right now - to listen / to help / to have time out?
ignore your fears of saying the wrong thing
reach out in different ways - send a text, an email, a note, an invite for coffee
reward compassionate behaviour in your team
bring your human nature to work (do not put on a brave face)
put your job title aside
remind yourself that you can make a difference

When we do these things, we build trust and improve our relationships at work and with our families.

We are able to communicate clearly, build self-awareness and shared-awareness.

We develop the ability to do and say what really matters.

"Unleashing your team's spirit" is our most popular workshop and is available face to face or digitally:

From the outside your team's spirit is being eroded by increased demand for decreased cost. From within the business or organisation it's ego-driven personalities, poor communication, and a culture obsessed with 'being busy'. So, how do you create the engagement needed to unleash the energy and enthusiasm needed to not just survive these challenges, but thrive? Join us on this critical workshop for organisational leaders and team members who want to dig into understanding why work matters, and really discover the joy that should be present in every team.

After the workshop you'll have a command of:

How to design your ideal team spirit, whether you lead a team, are part of a team, or simply want to enjoy work more yourself. Where to create the space out of your already ‘too busy’ day. Which proposition best represents your team - and knowing how to leverage it in recruitment, retention, and day-to-day What one single tool can drastically improve presenteeism (which costs more in productivity and talent than absenteeism and retention put together!) Why balancing the needs of an individual with the needs of the team is critical yet not as difficult as we’ve been conditioned to think.

This workshop can be offered as a 3 hour, half-day or full-day (digitally or in-person).

Want to know more about professional development , management training and employee training ?

Let's chat.

Tasha - 07799 038 561

Colin - 07702 973 493

www.letsmaketime.co.uk

The cost of ignoring your Team's Spirit...

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 13:18:00 GMT

...and how to find out what your team REALLY thinks and needs to improve their wellbeing from the inside out

Let's face it - we need to have truthful safe exchanges to create real change in our teams

Teams are struggling. They face increased pressure to deliver, the need to speed up, all while looking out for those around them - often conflicted about where their own wellbeing sits in all of this. The impact of this works its way through to the team's sense of connection to each other, their engagement with their work and why they do it, and ultimately their health .

And this costs time, money and reputation.

Recent data revealed that 35% of employees looking to leave their current role want better mental health support at work .

Wellbeing in the workplace is becoming more prominent within the corporate agenda, after 35% of employees told Westfield Health that they are looking to leave their current role as they want better support for their mental health .

There’s a spotlight on employers to ensure they look after their workers’ wellbeing , but sometimes, businesses aren’t too sure where to begin or what will work for their employees.

Add to this the fact that increased remote working has brought with it the challenge of ensuring the wellbeing of employees is still treated as a priority, despite there being less daily contact between employees.

The pandemic has significantly impacted how people view wellbeing at work, especially mental wellbeing. In fact, research conducted by Westfield Health found that one in 10 are just one day away from burnout , highlighting the impact the pandemic has had on workers across the UK. People who have been working from home for the last 18 months are also more likely to feel at risk of burnout (50%) than those going to the workplace (41%).

So many businesses focus on mainly external factors, waiting for opportunities to appear or risks to recede. Other businesses recognise the need to invest in their teams, but do so in a limited, sporadic, or process-heavy way.

It's understood that investment in leadership will pay off, yet assigning leadership only to those with certain job titles limits potential. Combining leadership with teamship provides every team member with the skills needed to create a rewarding team spirit .

What happens when we ignore our team's spirit:

feeling unappreciated
a risk of being hurt
hiding who you really are
confusion about the work and the job
craving to be somewhere else
work impacting on their home life

Why should we focus on teams?

17.9 million working days were lost in the UK due to mental-health (Deloitte, 2019)
71% of millennials are not engaged with their group (Gallup, 2020)
Presenteeism accounts for 255-304 billion Euros across Europe every year (Mind Matters, 2021)

What happens when we revitalise our team's spirit:

Have a larger more meaningful impact
Find joy at work
Say and do what matters
Grow professionally and personally
Take of care of themselves and others
Smash goals together

Teams who engage in teamwork practices are 2.8 times more likely to achieve high performance (BM, 2019)
For every £1k invested in wellness for your team, you will see an average of £5k return (Mind Matters, 2021)
Work in a high trust team and you'll experience 60% more joy at work (Paul Zak, Trust Matters)

Are you ready?

The good news is, it's never too late to makes changes. A team that wants to do more than just survive - one that wants to sustainably thrive, needs to engage in four essential steps to improve their team spirit. We call it the TeamSpirit Practice .

Succeeding as a team takes more than showing up, talking over Slack, and having team meetings when needed. Successful teams are ready to engage, constantly connecting in interesting and useful ways, and respect the effort and impact that has on each other. They lean into the skill of Teamship.

We've created this FREE Scorecard and in just under 2 minutes you'll receive customised results about the teamship within your team with personalised action steps!

https://teamsucceed.scoreapp.com/

You'll generate results with tailored tips and insights on how you and your team can succeed .

We enjoy working with companies who are ready to commit and practice the skills (so they don't get rusty). Job titles don't matter. It matters that the team wants to be a team. It doesn't happen overnight, and for the team to grow, everyone needs to be the team.

Everyone.

NOTES - The Teamship Alliance is a coaching , training and consulting team focused on helping organisations improve the impact they have with their own people, and every single person they come into contact with. We specialise in working with senior influencers within teams in the tech and media industries.

We are best known for our commitment to experiencing joy at work as a right, not an added bonus.

Tasha Thor-Straten - Founder

Colin Mobey - Founder

Source - Westfield Health

Government calls for input on new 10-year Cancer Plan

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Thu, 10 Feb 2022 14:06:16 GMT

Bowel cancer saved my life & now I help people improve their health with NLP

NLP is an essential addition to focus on what's important when going through a cancer diagnosis.

As an NLP Master Practitioner focusing on health , I help people everyday focus and commit to their physical and mental wellbeing . This is especially useful when going through a cancer diagnosis or any life-changing illness .

I help people work WITH their bodies, rather than fighting it. I guide them to take the pressure off, and stop blaming themselves for causing the disease. We challenge the unhelpful language and self-talk that can be destructive and overwhelming. Instead, we create positive thought s, language and behaviours.

When people are ready, they become part of their recovery , exercising, getting outdoors as much as possible, not feeling guilty about the change in their daily lives.

They begin to accept that their body and mind needs time to recover. Together, we work out how to share important news with friends and loved ones.

I hold people's hands when they go through a grieving process of letting go of their past lives. We find better ways to deal with strong emotions like anger, guilt , fear and loss .

I love helping to build up a sense of identity and a revised sense of meaningful purpose .

Bowel Cancer UK recently published the news about the 10-year Cancer Plan for England and I thought I'd share it with you.

- - - -

Today, on World Cancer Day (Friday 4 February), we met with the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, Sajid Javid MP, to raise the pressing issues facing bowel cancer patients.

Our Chief Executive, Genevieve Edwards, spoke at a roundtable with the Minister and other leading cancer organisations, ahead of his speech announcing the UK Governments ' war on cancer ' and a new call for evidence to inform a 10-year Cancer Plan for England. The Minister also spoke openly of his late father's advanced stage bowel cancer diagnosis.

The 10-year Cancer Plan will look to go further and build on the progress of the NHS Long-Term Plan with a set of new and strengthened priorities, including:

improving the numbers of people diagnosed at an early stage, when they have the best chance of survival
boosting the NHS cancer workforce
tackling inequalities in cancer care
intensifying research into treatments and new tools to diagnose cancer early
improving prevention of cancer through tackling the big known risk factors

Genevieve said: "I was pleased to discuss the significant challenges facing bowel cancer diagnosis, treatment and care with the Secretary of State today, and share our vision for how to improve outcomes for everyone affected by the disease. A renewed commitment to improving early diagnosis from the Government is welcomed, and we already have clear evidence on how this can be achieved for bowel cancer.

"Currently fewer than 40% of bowel cancers in the UK are diagnosed at an early stage, and around half of cases could be prevented through a range of measures.

"What is desperately needed is investment in NHS workforce and kit, alongside improvements to the screening programme if we are ever to achieve, or exceed, the ambition of diagnosing 75% of cancers at an early stage and to become a world leader in bowel cancer treatment and outcomes."

The call for evidence to help inform the 10-year Cancer Plan will run for eight weeks until Friday 1 April 2022 and will be seeking input from cancer patients, relatives and NHS staff. Bowel Cancer UK will be submitting a comprehensive response, and asking for your views.

SOURCE - Bowel Cancer UK, February 2022

NOTE - Tasha Thor-Straten is currently involved with the 'NLP for Health' ANLP project. Their mission is to give all GP practices in the UK access to NLP professionals.

Children's mental health : Huge rise in severe cases, BBC analysis reveals

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Thu, 10 Feb 2022 13:13:24 GMT

There has been a 77% rise in the number of children needing specialist treatment for severe mental health crisis , analysis for the BBC shows.

As an NLP Master Practitioner Life Coach , my work with children and families is very rewarding. I help children of all ages build their self-esteem from the inside out, giving them life-skills to deal with challenges and obstacles.

I also help parents teach their children how to stick up for themselves , build their resilience , to have a voice and be able to use it safely.

Everyone learns more about themselves and what's important to them.

They learn positive ways to deal with strong feelings , anxiety , stress , fear and shame .

The skills enable the children to become more assertive , to be true to themselves and feel secure and confident inside - no matter what happens. We discuss self-harm and work through better coping mechanisms .

The skills enable the parents to help their children manage difficult moments, building trust , true belonging and connection.

I believe positive self-esteem is one of the most important skills we can develop in order to thrive in society.

Without self-esteem, kids feel worthless, hopeless and find it difficult to trust others.

NLP coaching is slightly different to counselling and therapy . Counselling tends to concentrate on past events and emotions, working backwards to bring the individual back up to the present time and can be a useful approach for addressing and dealing with trauma . Coaching on the other hand works more in the present and is future-facing .

This BBC article highlights what I'm seeing everyday and I thought it would be helpful to share the findings with you.

- - - -

Some 409,347 under-18s were referred to the NHS in England for specialist care for issues such as suicidal thoughts and self harm between April and October 2021.

Head teachers also report a huge rise in less severe mental health issues .

The government plans 400 mental health teams to support schools by 2023.

The NHS Digital referrals data analysed by the Royal College of Psychiatrists for the BBC, includes the most serious and urgent cases where the child faces an immediate risk from an eating disorder , self-harm or suicidal thoughts. In the same six month period in 2019, there were 230,591 referrals for under-18s. There were 349,449 under-18s in touch with NHS child and adolescent psychiatric teams at the end of October 2021, the highest number on record.

Only those with the most serious mental health problems are referred for specialist care. But schools are reporting a surge in mental health problems below this high threshold, with pupils needing extra support such as counselling.

Almost 1,000 teaching and support staff who responded to a survey from the children's mental health charity, Place2Be, and the National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT), described seeing an increase in emotional and mental health issues among pupils since the pandemic, including anxiety.

'I felt trapped in lockdown'

"Covid is trash," says Isaac, 7, as he shows me his drawing of flies buzzing around a bin on fire. It illustrates his feelings about coronavirus.

He's drawn himself "feeling sad because I feel like I'm trapped in the telly", while his grandma tries "to scare Covid away".

Grace, 8, remembers her parents telling her about the pandemic beginning. She's drawn herself "curled in the corner" of a prison cell, "because I felt trapped in lockdown ".

In a normal year the team of counsellors that work at the school would see about 100 children but in just the autumn term almost as many asked for help. Many are anxious or struggling to manage with being back in a busy school.

As well as providing mental health support, Seascape is bringing back music lessons, football tournaments and school trips as part of its effort to boost children's wellbeing. But there are different pressures for teenagers - especially those who face exams this summer for GCSEs.

Almost half of secondary schools (46%) said pupils' mental and emotional health was the biggest challenge in helping them catch up with learning, in recent government research.

Among the Year 11 pupils feeling the pressure is Harley who has had extra support from his school, Horizon Community College in Barnsley.

Harley's self-esteem plummeted after coming out of lockdown in 2021.

"It was very uncomfortable for the first two or three months. Some of us had put on weight and it felt awkward," he tells me. "The time I lost with my friends didn't help and it took me a long, long road to get back."

Schools say the pressures of the pandemic have made mental health an even greater priority, with longer waits for specialist help.

Harley's school has encouraged him to open up about his low self-esteem

An extra £79m for improving mental health support in England was committed by the government last year.

It has also promised 400 mental health support teams by 2023, to work with schools to provide extra counselling.

The BBC has learned at least 183 are up and running, with more staff in training.

These teams have been welcomed, but the charities in the Children and Young People's Mental Health Coalition warn they will only cover about a third of England's pupils.

In the meantime, pupils such as Harley have to rely on the school for support - which he says is helping.

"Talking just gives you time to breathe, and it helps me control what's going on in my head," he says.

"It's a weight off my chest."

SOURCE - BBC News, Branwen Jeffreys (Education Editor)

Tasha Thor-Straten is an accredited NLP Master Practitioner, fully insured and DBS checked. You can reach her via www.letsmaketime.co.uk.

How much do you invest in your 'self'?

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Tue, 08 Feb 2022 13:59:01 GMT

Find out who you are by investing in yourself regularly

We maintain our homes, our cars, bikes and our pets so they are kept in good shape. When we maintain our 'selves', the benefits are life-changing and long-lasting. This is what personal development is all about.

Our overall physical, emotional and mental wellbeing no longer stagnates in the pool of "I haven't got time", "I'll do that tomorrow", "I'm fine", "I'll have a drink to the take the edge off", "I'll feel better when the sun shines", "I need to do more to be a success", "I'll feel happy when I'm earning £100k", "I'll stay online after working hours to get the job done" thoughts and behaviours.

We all know how much it costs to live our daily lives.

The average spend on a monthly mortgage in the UK is £723. The average spend on monthly rent is £968.

The average cost of house insurance is £174.

The average cost of car insurance is £444.

The average cost of pet insurance is £271.

We invest time and money, committing to the things that are important to us, as we know they need to be kept in tip-top condition.

Cars require regular servicing, MOTs, insuring, new tyres, recharging even. Our homes require boiler servicing, leaky tap replacement and outdoor maintenance. Our pets need regular visits to the vets for checks and vaccinations.

Naturally, we are inclined to spend time and money on our family, friends and loved ones. This gives us a great sense of sharing our selves with others, helping us create feel-good communities.

But, how much of this time do you spend on yourself? What does personal development mean to you? Do you know how closely linked your mental health is to your sense of self and belonging?

Investing in yourself is so much more than setting up a retirement plan, a savings account for a special holiday or a new haircut.

So, why is it that we often do we think this way?

Start a new course = £949 - too much

Buy a new iPhone = £949 - no problem

Healthy food shop = £100 - too much

Dinner & drinks = £100 - no problem

Watch Netflix = 2 hours - 1 more episode

Learn a new skill = no time

Meet new people in person = no time

Spend all night on dating apps = 1 more swipe/text

Life is all about the choices you commit to. Stop blaming a lack of opportunity and start making different choices. A reputable life-coach will bring awareness to limiting behaviours and negative thoughts, giving you the ability to enrich your life with greater meaning and fulfilment.

Investing in yourself brings about a sense of satisfaction that can't be replicated with the instant buzz of hormones from whatever quick wins you buy into. Yes, I'm talking about shopping, gambling, comfort-eating, comfort-drinking and blaming your moods on things beyond your control.

How you invest in yourself results in how you feel, how you behave and your ability to deal with challenges and obstacles. Resilience and the coping mechanisms you choose will be helpful for you, your loved ones and your experiences at work.

When you begin to invest in yourself differently, things start changing for the better. Your commitment levels soar. Your overall wellbeing is enhanced and you will be able to focus and gain clarity. Your confidence and self-esteem will develop positive ways to deal with strong feelings like anger, fear, jealousy, and shame. You'll begin to show-up in your life in a meaningful and purposeful way.

Your relationships will improve. You'll find ways to surround yourself with people who challenge you in a healthy way. You'll find deep joy in conversations and opt to spend time with people who bring out the best in you (and vice versa).

Everyday, as an NLP Master Practitioner , I help people choose how to focus and gain clarity.. For some, this comes naturally. For others, this takes time, as they have always coped with surface-level actions and behaviours, which tend to have a short expiry date.

Everyday I help people create actions and strategies to support their wellbeing and mental health .We work face to face and online .

NLP is easy and it's for everyone.

Everyday I help people find out who they really are.

CREATING CHANGE TOGETHER

www.letsmaketime.co.uk

Man up! Men's mental health and how it's changing

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Mon, 29 Nov 2021 16:53:35 GMT

Ever been called a p*ssy for telling someone how you felt?

If you're a similar age to me and you had a dad/father figure in your life growing up, this is probably what a normal day looked like for him. (For those of you wondering, I'm talking the 70's and 80's.)

He'd get up and go to work (he'd actually leave the house!), come home, sit on the sofa, eat dinner whilst watching a bit of sport, then nip out to the local for a pint or three. This wasn't just me, right?

Women stayed at home, created the housewife role whilst men went to work. Full stop. This is a huge generalisation, I know. Stay with me.

Fast forward a few decades and this is how a modern man is expected to behave:-

* he's an active part of his family, takes the kids to clubs after school and at weekends

* he's involved in parents evenings and helps with homework

* he's building his business and helps others do the same

* he looks good, dresses well and man-scapes

* he's in tune with his emotional intelligence

* he's the glue to keep his family together, sharing his energy to keep everyone moving in the right direction

* he shares financial responsibility for his family, the house and the future

* he works out

* he eats quinoa (out of choice)

* he buys tampons for his daughter without hesitation

* he runs his child's football team because he knows time and memories are important

Men have taken on a lot. Some would argue that it was about time.

But can you see how many men struggle with this new identity that has been imposed on them from the belief that if they aren't all these things, they are a failure?

I would love every man to celebrate their failures.

Yes, I'm talking divorce and separation , getting sacked, walking out of a job on the first day, folding that business, not telling a partner about the gambling addiction and the extra four credit cards taken out anyone knowing (but the mortgage renewal is due!), not wanting to get married, not feeling good about becoming a parent, not having the confidence and energy for intimacy. The occasional feelings of overwhelming boredom, the insomnia , the stomach-churning payments that you can no longer afford.

Because it's ok to fail, to not cope some of the time, to not like your family sometimes, to dislike your job on occasion, to accept that single grey eyebrow hair is the first of many to come, to accept that your body isn't the same as it looked 20 years ago, to miss your friends and your old life and to get used to the fact that the Porsche with the cream interior is not the perfect family car.

What's not ok is to pretend you're "great". To stop talking. To create unhelpful coping mechanisms that harm not only yourself, but others in the process.

So, at some point in the past, if you reached out to a friend and they told you to stop being a p*ssy when you told them how you felt, it's time to make new friends, who will support and help you.

On the other hand if you're reading this and you're close to telling your friend to "get a grip", try this instead:-

* say "that sucks, when are you around for a beer/coffee?"

The impact you can make on someone's mental health is incredible.

People need people.

As an NLP Master Practitioner life coach , I will help you create helpful coping mechanisms, learn positive ways to deal with strong feelings, and you'll discover simple ways to store happiness and pride for times when you need them the most.

I'll support and guide you, giving you the power and self-confidence to be true to yourself, to do and say what really matters, and feel secure and confident from the inside out....no matter what.

Bad vibes affect your customer relationships (and profitability)

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 11:20:43 GMT

If your team are behaving like robots, they miss the opportunity to create intimate and engaging conversations. When they fail to make your customers feel-good, they go elsewhere and share their experience with others.

Bad eggs, mood hoovers and fun sponges.....we all know them.

Sometimes we find ourselves amongst them at work. We might experience ourselves joining the draining conversations or standing back and watching the situation unfold.

But this is really damaging.

To profitability .

To business success .

To relationships at work and home.

To confidence .

To sales targets .

To team dynamics .

To the team's spirit .

To workplace and family wellbeing .

To professional and personal growth .

Just this morning I received a call from a business networking group. I was asked a series of questions:-

* Am I right in thinking you are a lapsed member?

* Are you in the Southend area?

* Are you interested in joining?

At no point was there a moment of reflection and curiosity from the caller.

No warmth.

No "how was your weekend?"

No "how have you found the past month or so?"

No "did you know we run free webinars for people like you, who are wishing to connect with others? In fact, let's look together......it seems there's one coming up in London that looks like it could be helpful to you...."

It was really cold and it felt uncomfortable.

It felt like I was speaking with a robot reading a script.

The conversation reminded me of this NLP presupposition:-

"Every behaviour is motivated by a positive intention. People make the best choices they can with the resources they have available".

In relation to our conversation, the caller was motivated with a positive intention of establishing if I fell into her category to sign me up. But that's where it ended. And that's why the conversation didn't result in a sale.

A massive missed opportunity...and the problem wasn't her, it was that she didn't have the sales training to take the next positive steps.

She didn't have the resources to take the conversation further. That's not her fault. These NLP rapport and relationship-building communication skills are teachable (and this is where we come in).

So why is this important when it comes to the work Colin and I do with teams? Leaders need leadership coaching , absolutely. Teams also need skills to help them discover their own uniqueness. An engaged team is productive . A connected team is happy. A healthy team is sustainable.

People need people.

We crave it.

We crave connection .

Bring your full self to work. every. single. day.

Watch, feel and hear how this impacts your sales targets, your company communication and your feel-good vibes.

Happy staff = great customer service = happy customers = return customers = natural marketing = growth.

Want to know how? Contact Tasha Thor-Straten and Colin Mobey, for details on our " TEAMSHIP " series including:-

* HOW TO TURN YOUR GROUP INTO A TEAM

* HOW TO EMBRACE WORKPLACE INTIMACY TO SMASH YOUR TEAM'S GOALS

* NO-ONE WANTS TO WORK WITH ROBOTS. PEOPLE MATTER. SO SHOW THEM

NLP coaching for business is an essential addition to the skillset of leaders, Wellbeing Directors , Rewards and Benefits managers, HR managers , internal coaches and trainers, providing practical methods to enable individuals and teams to tap into their deeper potential .

#teamship #wearenotrobots # customerengagement #communicationskills #goodvibes #feelgood #targets #salestraining #conversations #connection #sellmore #achievemore

iPads and phones - how to teach your children to switch off when you're working from home

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Wed, 19 May 2021 10:31:43 GMT

Juggling home-schooling, working from home and dealing with smaller circles of support networks has been really tricky. Has tech maintained or diminished the opportunities for switching off?

iPads and phones are awesome, but when they're used as a childhood pacifier for long periods of time without regulation, they can cause real problems.

My partner and I work from home. We have 5 children in our blended family, aged 16-10 years.

During lockdown, they relied on tech to carry on learning. They were plugged in, zoomed out and had to adapt very quickly to a new way of working.

They managed really well. But we noticed that they kept disappearing to their rooms for long periods of time, watching YouTube, TikTok and endless supplies of imagery.

We agreed and set daily limits, hid the devices when necessary, checked content and messaging to ensure they were safe online.

There are times when they say "there's nothing else to do". And that's when I know I have succeeded.

There's always something else to do.

There's always someone to talk to.

There's 209 board games in the cupboards, 1134 pens and a ton of books that could fill a section in the local library.

In my opinion, if you don't want to communicate with your child, put a dummy in their mouth when they can talk, stick them in front of a screen for hours and hours and wait to see how they interact with others, deal with conflict and figure out their own problems.

I don't mind being temporarily disliked by the children for the simple fact that when electronics are out of sight, we have a happier household.

All of a sudden they engage with each other. They share time outside. They get creative. They play games with us. We play table tennis. We feed the ducks.... ....all after the initial "I hate you" comments and death stares, I might add.

I often overhear the kids complaining about me challenging them about their online activities. That's good. It shows I'm being a parent.

Switching off doesn't mean disconnecting. Switching off means making time for people, conversations and stuff you love doing.

I switch off from work by:-

saying "no" to late afternoon / evening meetings & networking calls
saying "no" to appointments that infringe on family time
saying "yes" to being present when the kids are here
putting my phone on silent and out of sight from the dinner table and whilst watching a movie
not accepting calls or responding to texts after hours (I log off everyday by 5pm)
tidying my desk and packing away my work until the next day
making plans with the kids now that lockdown is easing
getting outside, even when it's raining (there's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing - originating from the Scandinavian parenting mantra that supports the belief that getting outside everyday is essential for children's mental and physical wellbeing)

Don't forget:-

your children are always watching
your children are always watching
your children are always watching

My switching off habits haven't been easy to maintain. I've had to work hard at achieving them especially as I work for myself. It's not always easy disconnecting, but it's a small price to pay for building really good relationships with your family for life.

When you switch off and work towards a healthy balance in your life, your children will mirror you.

If you're working from home and juggling your workload, the kids, your relationship and all the other stuff you've got going on, try to grab moments of time in your working day where your focus is on fun, laughter and connection.

We call them 'magical moments' - a bit twee, I know. However, short bursts of these moments really do uplift the feel-good factor for everyone.

I don't want our kids to be "phone-faces", not able to go out without being plugged in.

And that starts with me showing them that my phone is not my dummy.

⚡️

How to be a fountain, not a drain

tasha_sorrell@hotmail.com (Tasha Thor-Straten) — Tue, 13 Apr 2021 13:49:47 GMT

How to cope with people who have the tendency to make you feel less than good?

Do you know people who have the natural ability to make you feel good during and after a conversation? Even when you've had a tough morning and downloaded all your thoughts into the conversation?

You feel refreshed, invigorated and somehow you've managed to create more balance in your thoughts, enabling you to make better choices around your behaviours and moods.

The pace of the conversation is equal between you, the tone is appropriate to the context and you feel comfortable in each other's space. You listen and feel like you are being listened to with every fibre of your body.

There's a high chance this person is you.

The saying refers to the fountain being the lifeforce of the conversation, always giving, creating flow and energy. Leonardo da Vinci quoted "water is the driving force of all nature". What image, sensation and sounds comes to mind when you think of fountains?

For me, I think of playful children at Southend seafront playing in amongst the pavement fountains that make them squeal in delight after they've made the unfounded promise "I won't get wet!"

Some conversations with people might leave you feeling a little bit weary. These could be with someone:-

who doesn't read the signals that they're talking too much and they've lost your attention.
who is having a really tough time and needs someone to listen.
who tends to think negatively and struggles to take ownership for their problems.
who hasn't got the skillset to ask curious questions that open up meaningful exchanges.
who hasn't ever been told that thinking differently is a possibility (and could change their relationships for the better).

Studies show that between 70-93% of all communication takes place non-verbally, so I thought it would be quite helpful to share a couple of techniques I use when I'm feeling a bit weary during these types of exchanges.

I become more animated, raise the tone of my voice, inject energy into my words and language.
I use open-questions such as "what are you looking forward to?" rather than "how's things been?" (especially if they've shared the same story with me numerous times before.
I set my brain to be curious about the person, wondering what has created negative thoughts and behaviours.

You can absolutely be the one who changes the mood of the room, in person, on the phone, on a zoom call or at work.

If you're a fountain, you might need:-

energy (self-care to ensure you're not always giving out, but also receiving)
filters (to keep the flow of conversation on a helpful track)
reservoir of energy (dry fountains don't work)
maintenance (we all need to disconnect every now and again)

If you'd like help with creating uplifting conversations within any area of your life, NLP will give you the tools to communicate better and to understand yourself more.

Let's talk - https://www.letsmaketime.co.uk/

Tasha x

Social anxiety

Mon, 12 Apr 2021 15:59:26 GMT

I'm helping a lot of people feel more confident about getting back into social settings at work, with family & friends.

Not surprising, as the messages we're seeing & listening to are a bit confusing.

I've just heard a radio advert saying "you can meet people outside, BUT don't get too close".

It's like giving a child an ice cream & telling them not to lick it, isn't it?

Social anxiety can :-

feel like not wanting to be around lots of people
feel like not wanting to leave the house & see anyone
feel like not wanting to make & take phone calls
feel unsettling, as you're not sure if your friends are feeling the same as you
feel scary, as you've never experienced this before
feel numb, as you have disconnected with your emotions
feel guilty, as you could be increasing the risk of COVID infection with your loved ones

Watch the video for a great thought-change tip if you're feeling a bit wonky about being around people.

Wellbeing Times - Habits & how to keep them flowing

Thu, 07 Jan 2021 18:46:10 GMT

Now is always the time for a new beginning

Whether or not you're a fan of Pinterest style positive quotes, you can't avoid the sense behind 'One day or day one', can you?

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the meaning of resolution is:-

- 'a promise to yourself to do something or not to do something'.

So, when it comes to habits, there's a few things you could do to get things moving in the right direction.

1) Check your habits - start a journal, keep a note of what you're doing, how you're feeling. detail your inner chatter. What words and thoughts keep popping up?

2) Refocus your habits - create a list called 'How I'm creating my lovely life'. Think of 10 things including:-

some things you love doing
some things you dislike doing but must do
some things you've been putting off

3) The question to ask yourself that will always keep you on track is:-

- " Is how I'm behaving and feeling helping me lead the life I'm trying to create ?"

Try it and let me know how you get along.

Wellbeing questionnaire for teams

Tue, 08 Sep 2020 12:20:11 GMT

How do you really know if your team is coping?

If your company demonstrates commitment to a wellbeing & mind-growth culture, I'd like to share an online survey that will take 10 minutes to complete.

The employee survey highlights the areas where you are succeeding & areas that require supportive attention.

Message me here or email tasha@letsmaketime.co.uk for the link.

#mentalhealth #wellbeing #wellbeingatwork #personaldevelopment #resilienceatwork #familymatters #nlp #culture #creatingchangetogether #remoteemployees #askforhelp

Working from home & hating it?

Thu, 09 Jul 2020 16:49:48 GMT

WFH can be illuminating, challenging, frustrating & inspiring...all within the first 10 minutes of the day

There are days in our household where everything runs smoothly. It goes a bit like this....

Monday - morning workout, no kids, loads of calls, lots of planning, goal-setting.

Tuesday - no kids, loads of calls, lots of ticking-off things to do, date-night.

Weds - kids back from their other mum & dad, fewer calls, making dinner, ask kids to do chores, ask again, check chores have been done, education, use NLP to manage state of mind & how I react to increased demands from 5 children. Share fun times with the kids.

Thurs - as per Weds.

Fri - as per Weds.

However, there are days when the kids are out of sorts, calls get rescheduled, advertising & marketing plans need to be shifted last minute & it feels like nothing has been achieved.

I have purposefully created my ideal working environment to suit my family and business priorities. It is flexible and changes hourly.

Would you like some more choices around how you can walk away from your desk and relax?

Would you like to enjoy spending time with your children and partner rather than finding ways to escape physically & mentally?

If you're fighting the need to run, would you like to feel differently?

I coached a client recently to create the perfect working environment at home. We worked on the feeling of frustration and feeling trapped. We created growth around having open conversations, making time for each other....yes, date nights are still important. We also devised an awesome plan for home-schooling so that everyone was happy.

Would you like some support with home working?

My diary is here - https://calendly.com/tasha-nlpcoach/60min

#coaching #relationships #workingfromhome #workingparents #nlp #bebold #creatingchangetogether #letsmaketime
#feelgoodparenting

Step-parenting & blended families

Wed, 12 Feb 2020 14:27:56 GMT

"All I want for Christmas is for Mummy & Daddy to get back together"

Did anyone see the Rio and Kate Ferdinand documentary on BBC One regarding their journey as a newly formed family? I was asked to share my story as a step-mum, and comment on the work I do with blended families on BBC Essex Radio recently - you can hear what I had to say here https://soundcloud.com/tasha-thor-straten/lets-make-time-4 .

My partner and I have been living together for three years. We have five children between us - ageing from 15 years to 8 years. Yup, we have really busy times, with a lot of personalities and individual needs to nurture. We do also have time without the children when they are with their other parents. For us, this creates a lovely balance. We miss the children when they are at their other houses, but we also enjoy our time as a couple.

I wonder if you've dealt with similar situations to us? Do you enjoy your time with your step-children? Do you treat your children differently? How do you set boundaries and discipline? How do you manage disagreements between step-children? What coping mechanisms do you put in place to make sure you keep yourself on the right track? How freely can you talk with your partner when things need to change?

This Christmas we asked our shared five children to think of things they wanted for Christmas. The usual games and toys were noted..."no, we won't be buying a husky" seemed to be the common response from us, the 'no-fun' parents. The one request we couldn't ignore was from my partners youngest boy aged 8 - he said quite calmly around the dinner table "I want Mummy & Daddy to get back together". Whilst I regained my composure and initial feeling of rejection, I understood his request was perfectly reasonable. His older sisters were appalled - they were really embarrassed for me and tried to tell him off for being rude. Instead, I encouraged him to talk. I am really happy he felt confident, without fear of uneasy consequences of vocalising his wishes. My words "Let's talk about this" enabled a short appropriate chat.

As a result of learning how to communicate with our children and studying to be a NLP Master Practitioner, I work with blended families who are looking to find ways to create harmonious living.

I offer 1-2-1 coaching and Parenting Workshops. Contact me on 07799 038 561 / tasha@letsmaketime.co.uk to find out more.

I'd love to hear your story.

"Creating Change Together"

2020 - What you need 'NOT TO DO'

Sat, 04 Jan 2020 15:48:00 GMT

The New Year is a great catalyst to get the wheels of change in motion, but sometimes it's helpful to take the pressure off!

I feel the dawning of a New Year is a really great catalyst to get the wheels of change in motion.

Whilst it’s a great time to reflect, it’s equally important to focus on the things you’d like to improve.

I have fun with this ‘NOT TO DO' list. You might find that taking the pressure off yourself makes things clearer & brings everything into line.

Things on my plate today

Stuff I can't control

Stuff that gets me down

Stuff that doesn't need to be done

What happened as a result of the above

Have a go and let me know how you get on.

When you know things need to improve, but don't know how or where to start, let's make time to chat.

Be kind to yourself and ask for help.

"Creating Change Together"

Cancer - my top tips for thriving

Tue, 22 Oct 2019 19:30:41 GMT

Ideas to help you find ways to live better during & after cancer treatment

* Talk to friends & family - avoid keeping your feelings to yourself. Tell people how you want to be treated - if you need space, tell them….if you need to be treated normally, tell them.

* Talk to a therapist / counsellor at an early stage - The British Medical Journal reports that “depression affects up to 20%, and anxiety 10%, of patients with cancer”.

* Hospital appointments - ask questions, lots of questions. If you’re not sure of something, check and check again.

* Join online forums and find out how other people have dealt with diagnosis and treatment. Build your own community.

* Research nutritional changes to assist with improving your immune system.

* Listen to podcasts - Dr Rangan Chatterjee is my favourite for all things related to wellbeing.

* Explore complementary therapies that can sit alongside conventional treatment - I paid privately for acupuncture the day after my chemotherapy treatment. I also signed up to a course of complimentary reflexology sessions offered by my local Macmillan centre. I also sought safe advice from a registered homeopath to improve my immune system throughout treatment.

* Visit your local Macmillan centre (or similar organisation) for advice and support.

* Listen to your body, but don’t believe everything you think. Visiting an NLP practitioner will help you shift unhelpful thought patterns and establish a new ‘normal’ way of living. I wanted to stop crying a week before important scans, so I had a session to remove this pattern. Since then I have not cried about a scan. This is one of the reasons I studied to become a master practitioner.

* Make plans, don’t stop living.

Cancer diagnosis - how to tell the kids

Tue, 19 Mar 2019 19:04:02 GMT

Cancer diagnosis - how to tell the kids

In April 2016 I met ‘R’, properly dated throughout the summer - no take-aways or nights in...you know…"out out”. Moved in together in November and had the best Christmas ever! Some were worried I’d acted too quickly, but I knew it was the right thing to do at the right time. I now know that it was the best decision I have EVER made.

Early January 2017 I couldn’t ignore the amount of blood I was losing when going to the toilet. Arranged a GP appointment but chickened out from saying anything.

February - plucked up the courage to reschedule an appointment. Mentioned my mum has ulcerative colitis, which put me on top of the list for a colonoscopy.

At the clinic a week later watching the screen and listening to the consultant saying he was going to tattoo me from the inside, as he’d found a 4cm tumour. Not something I was expecting or had prepared myself for.

I was well, ate healthily, went to the gym, didn’t smoke, avoided processed foods, young - aged 43! My mum does all the naughty things - I’m the sensible one.

A few days later I received the news that changed everything. The tumour was cancerous, it had spread to my liver and my lungs. I was introduced to the end-of-life counsellor through Macmillan. Telling the five children we have between us #blendedfamily was never an issue. We told them in an appropriate way, with language they would understand. We didn’t want them to hear second-hand what was going on. In my mind, there was no way this was going to end the life that was, at last, going in the right direction.

This is when I first realised that I was starting to program my mind #neuro #linguistic #programming. I couldn't change what was happening to me, but I could change how I dealt with it, which inevitably assisted my quick recovery and enabled everyone else around me to cope.

I was #reframing situations - no more driving to work, I could work from home! I found a homeopath to support my chemotherapy treatment and researched slight changes to my diet. I immediately removed the #limitingbelief that my days were over.

I decided my days weren’t over. I wasn’t ready to accept the control that cancer can have over body and mind. It was my belief that I had created the cancer and therefore I could reverse it.

The next two weeks were filled with more tests, scans that were impossibly surreal to take in, but the good news came. The nodules in my lungs were too small to categorise and the activity in my liver wasn’t cancerous. This meant I could have an operation to remove the tumour. Operation went well, lymph nodes were removed and I was up on my feet the very next day, bruised but grateful (see pics).

The next blow came when I received the news that the cancer was at stage 3 and had spread to the lymph nodes. That meant chemo. Instant thoughts - kids seeing me ill, will it come back if I don’t have chemo? and hair loss.

I decided with the help of my homeopath to do both, build my immunity naturally whilst having chemo. No words describe the feeling of going onto the chemo ward, surrounded by people of all ages, hooked up with drugs that make you feel like you’ve been hit by a juggernaut. Even the escaped tears hurt your tear-ducts.

I decided to carry on working, the distraction being good to help get back into my own reality.

Four chemo sessions later over four months and I was asked if I wanted to finish chemo early? Erm, yes please. I was fine, still shell-shocked, but my body recovered well, my scars had healed.

What I hadn’t expected was the overwhelming sense of sadness when the treatment was over. I returned to end-of-life counselling to talk through these emotions, giving myself time to digest the past 6 months, to accept my overwhelming need to never take anything for granted again. Therapy really helped, but whenever it was time for a routine blood test, scan or visit to the hospital, I couldn’t stop the tears. Which was odd because I actually felt relaxed about the procedures and potential outcomes.

By this time I had started the NLP Practitioner course and decided to have a session with my tutor. I wanted to blast away the anxiety and fear, so after 30 minutes, we worked on my timeline and a few other techniques. From that day onwards I have not cried about tests, scans and hospital letters - it is incredible. My physical responses now match my thought patterns in a way that is helpful and allows me to feel light and confident.

March 2019 - I have just received the call from the hospital to say that the lung nodules have not changed, my liver condition is not a concern and my CEA blood test was at a number 1.....the same as it has been since chemo. This is nothing but good news. I'm making time for me now.

Male suicide - the biggest killer of men under 45 years

Fri, 18 Jan 2019 10:44:41 GMT

Tragically, suicide is not as rare as one might think. In 2016, the last year global data is available from the World Health Organization (WHO), there were an estimated 793,000 suicide deaths worldwide. Most were men.

In the UK, the male suicide rate is its lowest since 1981 – 15.5 deaths per 100,000 .

But suicide is still the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 .

And a marked gender split remains. For UK women, the rate is a third of men’s: 4.9 suicides per 100,000.

With the recent passing of Mike Thalassitis, let’s make extra time for the men and boys in our lives - especially those who appear to ‘have it all’. Let’s remind them there’s always a choice, always an alternative and there will always be someone to listen. Let’s bring our children up to be able to share their feelings honestly, to be free to express their feelings and to be able to deal with situations. Remind them that happiness begins and ends within themselves. No amount of Insta followers, ‘faking it til you make it’ and ‘living the dream’ will fill the void of housing an empty identity.

** UPDATED **

I don't know about you, but I am not a professional on the subject of suicide and mental health, so I'm not here to make comments or judgements about people / celebrities I don't know.

All I would like to do is to encourage everyone who is concerned for a friend, family member or work colleague, to be aware of a number of organisations that offer free and specialised advice. Here's a couple I suggest to friends and clients :-

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/online-mental-health/online-mental-health-tools/#apps

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/worried-about-someone-else/

Let’s make time for ourselves, our friends and our family.

Anxiety in children - how to help them

Fri, 18 Jan 2019 10:44:41 GMT

Let's be honest, there's no way we could possibly know everything that's going through our children's minds...and who would want to?

So, how do you strike the balance between giving them the independence & tools they need to manage appropriate situations, and also be aware of other behaviours and feelings they need help with?

Upsetting triggers including #bullying #familyarguments #divorce #selfesteem #schoolpressures #hormones can lead to depressive feelings. We know we are born with a certain amount of happy genes, but sometimes it seems impossible to shift the dark cloud that won't disperse.

If you start noticing the following, maybe it's time to get some help and advice:-

sudden outbursts and difficulty in maintaining a balanced outlook
low mood that lasts for extended periods of time, with limited good feelings
interacting less with friends and family
lack of confidence, unwilling to try new things
wanting to stop doing the things that used to make them happy
lack of focus
change of eating patterns
tired and grumpy even after a good night's sleep

I recently helped a 10 year old girl who was struggling with making her hair "perfect" in the morning. When the hairstyle didn't go right (bumps in said ponytail), she would scream, make everyone late, leave the house without breakfast and exhaust the family (including the cats) with her incredible outbursts.

We looked at two situations where she coped well (managed to leave the house on time with a big smile on her face and a tummy full of yummy pancakes) and the other time where she didn't cope well. She understood the difference and realised she wanted to feel calm and happy, so we #anchored the feelings of happy and calm into a circle of excellence that she created into a visual horses that became her special bracelet.

I encouraged her to use the magic horses even when she didn't need it, so she could increase the feelings associated with her anchor.

The next day I received a lovely message from her mum, who said she had virtually skipped out of the door and arrived early at school.

We're working on some techniques to improve her self-esteem to cope with playground remarks.

Let's make time to give our children the tools to manage and cope with everyday ups and downs. Notice what they're NOT saying as much as what they ARE saying. It's okay to not feel okay....keep talking....and ask for help. There's always someone who will help.