Man up! Men's mental health and how it's changing

If you're a similar age to me and you had a dad/father figure in your life growing up, this is probably what a normal day looked like for him.  (For those of you wondering, I'm talking the 70's and 80's.)

He'd get up and go to work (he'd actually leave the house!), come home, sit on the sofa, eat dinner whilst watching a bit of sport, then nip out to the local for a pint or three.  This wasn't just me, right?

Women stayed at home, created the housewife role whilst men went to work.  Full stop.  This is a huge generalisation, I know.  Stay with me. 

Fast forward a few decades and this is how a modern man is expected to behave:-

* he's an active part of his family, takes the kids to clubs after school and at weekends

* he's involved in parents evenings and helps with homework

* he's building his business and helps others do the same

* he looks good, dresses well and man-scapes

* he's in tune with his emotional intelligence

* he's the glue to keep his family together, sharing his energy to keep everyone moving in the right direction

* he shares financial responsibility for his family, the house and the future

* he works out 

* he eats quinoa (out of choice)

* he buys tampons for his daughter without hesitation

* he runs his child's football team because he knows time and memories are important

Men have taken on a lot.  Some would argue that it was about time. 

But can you see how many men struggle with this new identity that has been imposed on them from the belief that if they aren't all these things, they are a failure?

I would love every man to celebrate their failures.

Yes, I'm talking divorce and separation, getting sacked, walking out of a job on the first day, folding that business, not telling a partner about the gambling addiction and the extra four credit cards taken out anyone knowing (but the mortgage renewal is due!),  not wanting to get married, not feeling good about becoming a parent, not having the confidence and energy for intimacy.   The occasional feelings of overwhelming boredom, the insomnia, the stomach-churning payments that you can no longer afford. 

Because it's ok to fail, to not cope some of the time, to not like your family sometimes, to dislike your job on occasion, to accept that single grey eyebrow hair is the first of many to come, to accept that your body isn't the same as it looked 20 years ago, to miss your friends and your old life and to get used to the fact that the Porsche with the cream interior is not the perfect family car. 

What's not ok is to pretend you're "great".  To stop talking.  To create unhelpful coping mechanisms that harm not only yourself, but others in the process. 

So, at some point in the past, if you reached out to a friend and they told you to stop being a p*ssy when you told them how you felt, it's time to make new friends, who will support and help you.

On the other hand if you're reading this and you're close to telling your friend to "get a grip", try this instead:-

* say "that sucks, when are you around for a beer/coffee?"

The impact you can make on someone's mental health is incredible.

People need people.

As an NLP Master Practitioner life coach, I will help you create helpful coping mechanisms, learn positive ways to deal with strong feelings, and you'll discover simple ways to store happiness and pride for times when you need them the most. 

I'll support and guide you, giving you the power and self-confidence to be true to yourself, to do and say what really matters, and feel secure and confident from the inside out....no matter what.