Step-parenting & blended families

Tasha Thor-Straten • 12 February 2020

"All I want for Christmas is for Mummy & Daddy to get back together"

Did anyone see the Rio and Kate Ferdinand documentary on BBC One regarding their journey as a newly formed family? I was asked to share my story as a step-mum, and comment on the work I do with blended families on BBC Essex Radio recently - you can hear what I had to say here https://soundcloud.com/tasha-thor-straten/lets-make-time-4.

My partner and I have been living together for three years. We have five children between us - ageing from 15 years to 8 years. Yup, we have really busy times, with a lot of personalities and individual needs to nurture. We do also have time without the children when they are with their other parents. For us, this creates a lovely balance. We miss the children when they are at their other houses, but we also enjoy our time as a couple.

I wonder if you've dealt with similar situations to us? Do you enjoy your time with your step-children? Do you treat your children differently? How do you set boundaries and discipline? How do you manage disagreements between step-children? What coping mechanisms do you put in place to make sure you keep yourself on the right track? How freely can you talk with your partner when things need to change?

This Christmas we asked our shared five children to think of things they wanted for Christmas. The usual games and toys were noted..."no, we won't be buying a husky" seemed to be the common response from us, the 'no-fun' parents. The one request we couldn't ignore was from my partners youngest boy aged 8 - he said quite calmly around the dinner table "I want Mummy & Daddy to get back together". Whilst I regained my composure and initial feeling of rejection, I understood his request was perfectly reasonable. His older sisters were appalled - they were really embarrassed for me and tried to tell him off for being rude. Instead, I encouraged him to talk. I am really happy he felt confident, without fear of uneasy consequences of vocalising his wishes. My words "Let's talk about this" enabled a short appropriate chat.

As a result of learning how to communicate with our children and studying to be a NLP Master Practitioner, I work with blended families who are looking to find ways to create harmonious living.

I offer 1-2-1 coaching and Parenting Workshops. Contact me on 07799 038 561 / tasha@letsmaketime.co.uk to find out more.

I'd love to hear your story.

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